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Sunday, January 11, 2009

Dallas Calling

So after years of thought and doubt, and months of back and forth, my wife and I have finally decided to move to Dallas, TX to attend Dallas Theological Seminary. We have put an offer in on a house, set a move date, and started saying goodbye to our friends here in Austin.

This is crazy! Two years ago I moved to Austin with ambiguous dreams of musical stardom and prowess. I even dragged friends and bandmates here from College Station and Arizona to pursue it with me. At the time, I was convinced I was following God's call. I wanted to bring an honest approach to the human/spiritual condition through music. I had dreams of coming alongside Derek Webb in the quest to reform the American church, of standing amidst the crowds of self medicating worship/Christian bands and shouting at them to wake up and get real.

As it turns out, I was following God's call by moving to Austin 2 years ago, but it was not for the self-serving reasons I had hoped.

Following God can be a lot like a child following a butterfly into the woods. I thought God brought me to Austin for music and revolution, but his real motivation was getting me married to the right woman and breaking me of the very pride that was keeping me from being used at all. For the longest time I thought I was supposed to be God's superhero--reforming the church, transforming spiritual art, leading bible studies and worship services, and saving the poor. I had spent so much of my spiritual life trying to prove to God some fictitious spiritual machismo, when all he really wanted was me.

God called me to Austin to teach me that He doesn't need me to reform His precious church, He doesn't need me to save the poor, He doesn't need me to redeem 'spiritual' music, He doesn't need me at all really. He just wants me. He just wants to know me, and for me to know Him. He wants me to walk with Him and let Him change my heart with His Spirit. That's all there is to it.

So now I'm chasing God's butterfly into the woods of Dallas and although it's scary to be lost in the woods with nothing but God's calling, I'm ecstatic to look back in four years and see why God led me there.

1 comment:

D.O. said...

See you when you get here (not at DTS, mind you, but here nonetheless).

Get your business casual ready.

Bye now